Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
