it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
