I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
