I will die if light touches me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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