she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
