Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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