i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just pee around me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
