Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
