i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
