theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk is not a location!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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