The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
