He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
