Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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