the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
