Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize