Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
