Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
