they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
