I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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