I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
