I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
