And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
