He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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