I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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