sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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