just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
