Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
