Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
