Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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