I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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