i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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