I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
