what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
