Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
