Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
