It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
