I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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