Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
