I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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