I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
