last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
