giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
