Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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