I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
