and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
