in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
