i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
