Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
