I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
