I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My vagina just clenched in fear
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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