i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
