Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
